This weekend, we finally made it to the movie theatre and watched “The Bucket List”. This is an outstanding movie about two elderly men from very different backgrounds, who – in the face of death after diagnosed with incurable cancer – go out into the world to do in the last months of their lives all the things they always wanted to do.

There are many funny situations and dialogues. However, the movie also wants to teach us something important: All the money in the world, and all the trips to exotic locations, fun and adventures one can buy with money, can’t replace what really counts, a relationship with someone close to your heart. Toward the end of the movie, both men found their way back to the most important person in their lives, and then they were able to experience true happiness and inner satisfaction.

Personally, I believe that the movie’s message is correct – and I also have scientific back-up for that. A few years ago was a study published that asked ” What makes us happy?”. For this study, several hundreds of college students answered questions about recent experiences, which the students had rated as “satisfying events” in their lives. The result of the scientific analysis of these events was that students rated especially those events as satisfying that gave them a feeling of autonomy, competence, self esteem and connectedness with other people.

Cancer researcher Judah Folkman has died. Folkman was a visionary who for more than 30 years pursued his idea that cutting off a tumor’s blood supply would stop cancer growth. Today, more than one million of cancer patients are being treated with medication based on his groundbreaking research.I’m writing about Folkman because his life and work demonstrates that success often requires sticking to ideas even in the face of skepticism and criticism. When he first proposed his ideas about cutting off the blood supply his colleagues didn’t take him seriously. Cancer research in the 70s focused on improving chemotherapy drugs. But Folkman didn’t give up on his idea to swim with the mainstream. Instead, he pursued it with great determination even though his own experiments didn’t always deliver the results he had hoped for. It eventually paid off and in 1998 the Ney York Times celebrated him on page one as the man who could cure cancer. Though these hopes were too high, drugs targeting a tumor’s blood supply are today a fixed part of many treatment plans.

Secret of success

In my opinion, Folkman’s story highlights one of the biggest differences between successful people and less successful. It’s often not about skills, talent, knowledge, power or money. The difference is in the degree of determination and persistence. I read in Folkman’s obituary in the Boston Globe that he liked to joke “if your idea succeeds, everybody says you are persistent. If it doesn’t succeed, you’re stubborn”.

The thing is, many people with good ideas give up because they are afraid of being perceived as stubborn.

No such word as ‘failure’

According to the same obituary a friend said about him, that there was no such word as defeat in Folkman’s lexicon. A setback like an experiment with inconclusive results was only a learning point. Relentlessly, Folkman tried again with new experiments to prove that cancer growth can be stopped by cutting off the blood supply.

This is the second secret of success: the ability to view failure only as a temporary setback. On the long run, each failure offers the possibility to learn from it and thus gets you one step closer to your goal.

Experience success through the assistance of a life coach

Not many people have this ability, and exactly here a life coach could help. A life coach provides support, offers feedback, designs with you a plan how to achieve your goal and will help to refocus in times of temporary setbacks.

Most importantly, a life coach will help you to silence your “inner critic”; it’s this voice inside your head which most of us know too well: “You are not good enough; nobody cares; who you think you are?” The road to success is rocky enough without the added burden of the inner critic.

Finally weekend. Any plans?

Friends often tell me that they are not really sure what to do on weekends, aside from sleeping in or going to the movies; “There is not much else to do”.

I’m under the impression that many people don’t really know what they are passionate about, what would really fill their lives, and what could energize them.

In the book “Wishcraft” by Barbara Sher, I read her recommendation to think back at childhood. What was it that could energize you as 5 year old, what did you love to do, how did you spend your time back then? Chances are high that what you loved to do as a child could still hold some ‘passion potential’ today.

For me, this is true. As little girl, I loved to draw and paint, and creating things. Today,  I still love creative work, from photography, designing my garden to cooking.

Yesterday, I took an Improvisation workshop for Life coaches. It was a workshop with Daena Giardella, an amazing actor, writer, creativity and acting coach.

While I was listening to her, I became more and more aware of the little space we give to spontaneity and improvisation in our lives. All the time, we strive to be perfect. We plan and follow rules, anxiously trying to avoid failure.

But if we restrict ourselves to what’s already tried and tested, how will we find new solutions and make exciting discoveries?

Daena says, “Improvisation is about making choices and daring to give them your fullest commitment even before you know why or where it will lead you.”

How is it going with the New Year’s resolutions? Still trying to stick to the resolutions? How about participating at a psychological research study? (http://richardwiseman.com/, link to study sign up at the bottom)
Prof. Richard Wiseman, the lead researcher of this online research project, says that according to previous research the success rate for New Year’s resolutions is only about 12 %. Wiseman and his team tracked last year the resolutions of more than 3000 people from the US and the UK. Resolutions with the highest success rate (between 24 and 32 %) have been: “enjoy life more”, lose weight, improve fitness, and limit or stop drinking alcohol and/or smoking.

Wiseman says that the sexes should follow different strategies to make success more likely.

Men should follow the rules for SMART goals (see previous blog entry) and divide the” big goal” into easier achievable sub goals. It also helps them to remind themselves frequently of the benefits for their life if they achieve their goals. A helpful structure for men would therefore be to write down a list of benefits and put the list in a place where they see it often.

Women increase their chances of sticking to their resolutions by telling others about them. Therefore Wiseman advises women to go public with their pledges by telling friends and relatives. In addition, women need reminders that slipping up once in a while is no reason for giving up altogether.

As I said in a previous posting, breaking old habits and adopting a new lifestyle needs time. Therefore, be gentle with yourself and take your time. View “failures” to stick to your resolutions as temporary setbacks and try it again.