Are you getting ready for Black Friday? Before you join in the frenzy of holiday gift buying, just consider for a minute the results of a legendary research study.

In 1978 researchers presented a sample of adults a list of 24 big-ticket items such as a car, travel, a house, and so on. They were asked how many of these items they already possessed and which things on the list were part of having “the good life” as they would define it. 16 years later, in 1994, the same people were interviewed again with the same questions and presented with the same list.

Result: In 1978, the study participants felt that “the good life” would require having more things than they possessed at that time. Those in their twenties had in average 1.7 things from the list but thought they needed 4.4 items for “the good life”. 16 years later, the participants had more objects acquired (3.1 items in average) and thus were closer to their original wishes, but now they thought they needed even more stuff (in average 5.6 items) to have a “good life”.

In summary, having more possessions didn’t really change the difference between “Have already” and “Want to Have”, leading to the conclusion: The More We Have, The More We Want.

If you want to know what to give for Christmas that actually could increase happiness, stay tuned. Next time, I will write about “Gifts that spread Joy and Happiness”.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Christiane Turnheim is a Life& Career Coach and a psychology teacher at a Community College in the Boston area. You can reach her at ten.u4hcaocnull@miehnrutc.

US employees get on average per year 9 days paid leave and 6 paid holidays – despite the fact that the US is the only advanced economy in the world that has no paid leave law. European workers, for comparison, get in minimum 20 days of paid leave in addition to paid holidays. In my native country Austria, workers can get even up to six weeks of paid leave plus 13 holidays.

In the US, full time employees and those with a higher income are more likely to get paid vacation days than part-time and low wage workers. And despite having on average only nine days of paid vacation, roughly a third of employees with vacation benefits don’t take all of the vacation days they receive. Many believe that management perceives it negatively if they take vacation. A typical fear in these days of high unemployment is that workers are afraid that they may get replaced if they don’t give 110 % and therefore they rather forego on the well deserved time-off. About 25% of those, who do take vacation, stay connected with their company by checking work email or taking phone calls from the office while on vacation. About one third of employees admitted in an Expedia.com survey that they feel guilty about taking time off.

They shouldn’t – because it’s not only in their own interest if they use their vacation days to relax and refresh. There’s also a benefit to the employer: Workers who don’t get a break will become exhausted and burned-out over time. They are no longer able to perform to their full potential. They are also at risk for depression and other health issues, which may end up to cost the company more than the vacation days. On the other hand, workers who come back after a break with new energy and new perspectives and ideas will be more productive.

Therefore, talk to your employer about your vacation needs and how the company can even benefit from it. Plan ahead and talk to your co-workers about your vacation. Ask a co-worker to cover for you if necessary and offer the same favor in return. Final advice: don’t take work with you and avoid checking emails. It’s quite unlikely that your office will fall apart just because you take a few days off.

And with these lines, I say “Good bye” for two weeks. I will be on vacation in Austria!

Christiane is a Life and Career Coach. She also teaches psychology at a community college in Massachusetts. You can reach her via her website http://www.coach4u.net or email her.

Quick question: What happened to your New Year’s resolutions? It’s April, and therefore I think it’s reasonable to ask how many of your commitments survived that far into the year? If you are like most people,  it may be time to review and adjust your original goals and then start over. Who says that you have to put your resolutions on hold until  January 1st, 2011?

First step, find out why you gave up on your goals. Did you want to lose weight and were frustrated because you didn’t shed the pounds as fast as you had hoped? Was it too difficult to stop smoking altogether? Did bad weather or sick kids keep you from going to the gym regularly? Review what happenend and how you felt about your commitments as long as the memory is relatively fresh.

The main reason why many people don’t follow through with their New Year’s resolution is that they want too much too fast, and they strive for perfection. Any setbacks, and they give up. If you think that’s you, take another run on your goals – this time only slower and allow for slip-ups.

First, when setting your goal, follow the SMART rule: Define your goal in a way that it is specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound. For example, instead of “Eating healthier” commit to eating two pieces/servings of fruits and a salad and to drink one glass of orange juice daily for the next three months. At the end of each day, you will know whether you kept to your plan. If not, ask what kept you from achieving your daily goal and then make corrections.  If you discover for example that you would prefer salad or cooked vegetables over fruit, go for it.

Don’t be a perfectionist. If you didn’t eat any fruit before, it’s already progress to eat one piece of fruit, even if your plan called for two. Therefore, give yourself credit for it.  Don’t focus on how much you fell short of your goal, instead think positive and focus on how much you achieved.

Take babv steps. If you want to lose weight, don’t aim for losing ten pounds in a month. By aiming too high, you are setting yourself up for failure. Set a realistic goal, like losing one pound per week. If there is a week where you don’t even achieve this goal because of a birthday party or because the muffin in the coffe shop just was too tempting , see it as a learning experience. Temporary set backs are normal, so don’t beat yourself up about perceived weakness.

Tell other people about your goals, and write reminders or use motivating pictures and put them at places where you will see them often. 

And if you still struggle, hire a Life Coach to support you. Think of all the seemingly perfect celebrities you may admire. Most of them have personal trainers or nutritionists to help them stay on course. So, it’s nothing wrong with a little outside help. And if your goal is about your health, see it this way: a little money spend now on a Life Coach could save you later more money spend on doctor fees and hospital bills.

Written by Life Coach Christiane Turnheim. Visit her website at www.coach4u.net or email her ten.u4hcaocnull@enaitsirhc

Do you think that getting old is equivalent to getting forgetful, physically weak and dependent on others? If yes, think again – in your own interest.

According to recent research, people who expressed negative stereotypes about aging when they were younger had a higher risk 30 years later to suffer from serious health and memory problems. They even lived on average 7.5 years shorter compared to those with a more positive attitude about getting old.

Scientists are of course trying to find out what is causing this link between stereotypes and health effects.

It could be that the principles of self-fulfilling prophesies are here at work. If you believe that you will lose cognitive skills like memory as you get older, you may stay away from tasks involving those skills.  Consequently, as the old adage goes, “use it or lose it” you are then losing these skills.

Christiane is psychologist and Life & Career coach. Contact her at ten.u4hcaocnull@enaitsirhc

Struggling with weight loss, exercising more, eating healthier? Are you still holding on to your New Year’s resolutions, but just barely? Wait, before you give up. Signing up at stickK.com maybe the solution you have been looking for.

The website offers support for those of us with willpower issues when it comes to achieving our personal goals:
 

stickK is a web-based company that helps you achieve your personal goals through “Commitment Contracts.” You create a contract obliging you to achieve a specific goal within a specific time-frame. By doing so, you put your reputation at stake. You may also choose to wager money to give yourself added incentive to succeed. If you do succeed, you get your money back. If you fail, the money is forfeited to charity, or to one of several causes, or to a person of your choosing.( http://www.stickk.com/faq.php)

The contracts follow the principle of setting SMART goals (read about SMART goals: http://www.coach4u.net/blog/smart-goals.html)

To increase the incentive to reach your goal by putting up money, you can choose an Anti-Charity where your money would go to if you fail. An Anti-Charity is any organization/person whose goals you strongly oppose. Let’s say, if you feel strongly for Hillary, pledge your money for Obama or McCain, whoever is your least favorite candidate, and vice versa.

If you decide to put money at stake, your credit card will be charged for the full amount when you create the contract. The site also encourages its users to name a referee who acts as overseer and the site also offers the possibility to designate supporters.

Does it work and really increase your chances of achieving your goals? The website creators, two Yale professors and a student, of course say yes:
 

The Commitment Contract concept is grounded on two well-known principles of behavioral economics: (1) people don’t always do what they claim they want to do, and (2) incentives get people to do things.(http://www.stickk.com)

A few months ago, I wrote on this blog about a British research study about the success rate for New Year’s resolutions. (http://www.coach4u.net/blog/only-12-of-new-years-resolutions-successful.html). One result of the study has been that particularly women increase their chances of achieving goals by telling others about them. So, yes, stickK.com could be the solution for some people.

And if a public commitment contract, money at stake, referee and support network still are not enough, then – I believe – it would be really time for hiring a professional life & career coach like me; don’t you think?

While I’m researching and working on my planned e-book, this story made recently headlines: The secret to happiness is giving away your money.

It was already known, based on earlier studies, that getting more money is not doing much for most people’s happiness, provided they are not extremely poor. Just consider how much money we have today and how much money our parents or grandparents had. Earlier generations often struggled just to get enough food on the dinner table so that nobody would have to go to bed hungry. Today, most of us take food for guaranteed, also cell-phones, cable TV and computers. Well, are we happier than our parents and grandparents? We aren’t, and now we may have an answer why:

According to the new study, recently published in the journal Science, how people spend their money is at least as important as how much money they make.

A survey of 632 Americans showed that those, who gave more money to charities or spent it on friends and relatives reported higher levels of happiness. In another survey 16 employees of a Boston company were polled about their happiness before and after they received fat bonuses and also here, the researchers found a correlation between happiness and the amount of money people spent on others.

In an experiment, 46 students at the University of British Columbia received envelopes with $5 or $20. The students were told to either spend the money on themselves or on other people. The group that were told to spend it on others, either by donating it or to buy someone a gift, felt happier when they were polled again than those, who could spend it for themselves, regardless whether they could spent $ 5 or $20.

The researchers suggest now that governments may consider promoting philanthropy just to increase their citizens’ happiness. My personal suggestion is of course different: Get a life coach and discover the purpose of your life. Take it from there to discover what would make YOU happy.