Afraid of goals

Written on Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 at 5:51 pm by Christiane

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.” – Henry Ford (American Industrialist,, 1863-1947)

I love this quote because for me it’s a perfect spot on description of Life coaching: Helping people to realize that they are stuck because they took their eyes of the goal and then got lost. The next step in life coaching then is to assist with getting unstuck by reconnecting with life goals.

Some people find it easy to always stay focused on their goals. These are the lucky few. Most people get sidetracked at some point in their lives, others take it day by day without having a bigger goal and a third group doesn’t know, what and where to start because the only things, they see, are obstacles.

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Unfortunately, my youngest son belongs to the latter group. Whenever he has to tackle a new project, he starts by telling us why he can’t do it. He lists all the hindrances, difficulties and obstacles he can think of and he can be very convincing that the particular project, whatever it is, is impossible to realize.

Behind all that is fear. He feels overwhelmed because the task at hand seems to be complex, unclear, uncontrollable and unmanageable. Some psychologists believe that a pessimistic approach to the world may be part of the inborn temperament. Regardless of the cause, we have learned that there is a way to work with him.

We must break up any complex task in sub goals and provide a specific time frame for each sub goal. As long as he stays focused on each step (and forgets the big goal) he can move onward.

But don’t say to him “A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step” (Chinese proverb). As soon as he remembers that each successfully mastered step is just that, a step toward the big goal, he feels overwhelmed again. To him, his successes suddenly seem to be so small.

I hope that by growing up he will learn to understand what Henry Ford meant when he said:
“Life is a series of experiences, each of which makes us bigger, even though it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

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How to buy happiness

Written on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 at 5:58 pm by Christiane

If you belong to the few lucky ones, who still have some extra cash to spend, don’t “waste” it on the newest gadgets. Instead, buy yourself happiness. You may need it in a tough time like now.

“One can’t buy happiness”, I hear you saying. Well, Ryan Howell, assistant professor of psychology at San Francisco State University, begs to differ. He believes that if you spend your money right you can increase your happiness.

The trick is not to “waste” your money on material things. Instead, buy yourself experiences, such as a meal out, going to the theater or to a baseball game.

Howell did a study with 154 people ages 19 to 50 and found that people feel more alive and inspired after they have made experiential purchases. They also appreciated the positive memories they were left with. An additional benefit was the social nature of those experiences, i.e. being together with other people and thus satisfying the need for social connectedness. Overall, buying experiences made people happier than buying stuff.

In conclusion, Howell suggests that his findings can also be applied to purchasing gifts for other people. If you give a certificate for a restaurant, for tennis lessons, or a spa visit, you will not only brighten the day for the person, but also create long lasting happy memories.

Christiane is psychologist and Life & Career coach.  She teaches Psychology at a College in the Greater Boston area. Visit her website at www.coach4u.net


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Women’s Happiness More Recession Proof

Written on Saturday, February 21st, 2009 at 5:59 pm by Christiane

 

How often are we reading it in these financially difficult times: Money can’t buy Happiness?

Well, it turns out; this may be true for women.  Men however, beg to differ.

 

Results of a global happiness survey from the Nielsen Company show that for men happiness and satisfaction with their financial situation are closely related.

 

A woman’s happiness depends more on the quality of her friendships and relationships with family and even with her boss and co-workers.  Thus, it seems, women find it easier to be happy in economically tough times:  In 48 of the 51 countries surveyed, women are happier than men and are also more optimistic about the future.

 

The global survey polled more than 28 000 people and asked about the contribution of a variety of factors to happiness.  As main factors emerged the personal financial situation, mental health, job/career and being satisfied with your partner.   

 

The study also showed that in different parts of the world some factors are more important than others: For Lithuanians and Indonesians money was far more important than for South Africans and Venezuelans. For people in Vietnam and Indonesia happiness depended on access to unbiased information (news, internet) and their sex life.  People in Switzerland and Finland depend more than people in other countries on physical health to be happy and for Australians mental health is a key factor for happiness. Americans need good relationships with co-workers, even more than good relationships with their own family.

 

Christiane is psychologist and Life & Career coach.  She teaches Psychology at a College in the Greater Boston area.  Visit her website at www.coach4u.net


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Quick thinking as mood booster

Written on Thursday, February 5th, 2009 at 8:54 pm by Christiane

Who doesn’t feel occasionally down, particularly during these long and cold winter months?

Researchers at Harvard and Princeton University may now have found a simple method to get the spirits up again: Do a rapid thinking exercise, for example list quickly all kinds of uses for a paperclip, generate a variety of problem-solving-ideas or solve a soduko as quickly as you can.

The researchers found that research participants felt more elated and creative after experiments with a variety of quick thinking tasks.

I found particularly interesting the explanation that the researchs offered: For one, they believe the improved mood may be related to an increase in the neurotransmitter dopamine, which in consequence increases feelings of pleasure. But the researchers offer also a different explanation: they say, many people believe that good mood and fast thinking are related like “If I’m in a good mood, I can think fast.” Now, if I find myself in the course of the exercise thinking fast, then the reverse must be true ” If I’m thinking fast, I must be in a good mood”.

Read more on Harvard’s website

 Christiane is a Life & Career coach, psychologist and college teacher. Her website is http://coach4u.net


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6 Tips to fight the Winter Blues

Written on Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 6:34 pm by Christiane

Are you one of those people who dread winter? I am. I don’t like the cold, the snow and the ice. Just today, I was trying for about one hour to get rid of the half inch of ice that was covering our driveway and stairs. If I could, I would hibernate.

 

Some people suffer in the winter months from seasonal affective disorder (SAD). The symptoms are among others lack of energy, and changes in sleep and eating behaviors. People with SAD should see a physician to discuss treatment options.

 

Those of us, who feel just a little dragged down by the long winter, may find help with the following tips against the Winter Blues:

 

1. Eat extremely healthy:  Lots of veggies, fruit, and nuts. Reduce sugar and all starchy food.

2. Force yourself out into Mother Nature.  Walk, go sledding, and ice skating or skiing. Be active and try to catch as many sunrays as possible (of course, with proper sun cream protection)

3. Exercise regularly – at least 15 to 30 minutes daily.  Even a brisk walk to the bus stop might suffice.

4. Meet your friends as often as possible. If you can’t meet, then talk on the phone.

5. Surround yourself with beautiful things: flowers, listen to music, candlelight

6. Start a project; something, you always wanted to do but never had time for: organize your photos, paint your apartment, and try out new recipes…

 

Basically, keep active and you will see: time flies by and suddenly, it’s spring again.

 

Christiane is psychologist and a professional Life Coach. Her website is www.coach4u.net

 


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Standing tall, chin up can improve your mood

Written on Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 at 4:17 pm by Christiane

Today I read an article about studies in England, France and the US, which show that your posture might have an effect on your emotions.

Straighten your spine, throw your shoulders back and hold your chin up and according to these studies, you will feel much better about yourself.

The reason could be that neurons involved in sensations, motor functions, and emotional memories are interconnected, and therefore just adopting a certain posture could activate the emotions that normally go with it. An alternate explanation is that someone with posture and facial expression associated with positive mood, optimism, and confidence evokes positive responses from people around him/her. These positive responses now could in turn improve the mood of the first person.

Whatever the reason is, demonstrate confidence and optimism at all times. Even if you are just putting on an act, you might end up believing yourself – and this wouldn’t be bad, would it?

Christiane is a Life & Career Coach in Massachusetts. In addition, she teaches psychology at a Community College.  Her email is ten.u4hcaocnull@enaitsirhc .


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Happy New Year

Written on Tuesday, December 30th, 2008 at 5:46 pm by Christiane


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Merry Christmas, Peace and Joy

Written on Wednesday, December 24th, 2008 at 10:17 am by Christiane


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Food for Thought

Written on Thursday, December 18th, 2008 at 4:09 pm by Christiane


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Secret of Optimism

Written on Thursday, December 11th, 2008 at 5:58 pm by Christiane

I have a good friend whom I admire for her energy, curiosity about life and optimism. She is well into her eighties with an unbroken zest for life.

A while ago, she told me the secret for her positive attitude: “When I get a box with a variety of chocolates, I will eat only one per day. On the first day, I will select the one that I like best. The next day, I will take the best of the remaining, and this I will repeat every day until all are gone. This way, I get to enjoy every day just the best of all my options”. 

Christiane is a professional Life and Career Coach. She works in private practice in Massachusetts and teaches psychology at a college in the greater Boston area. Her email is ten.u4hcaocnull@enaitsirhc


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